The flag riot

A youth with a union flag facemask throws stones at a police riot squad in Belfast
Should the flag it be up or the flag it be down
Either way you shouldn’t be acting the clown

There is a right to be free, and to protest a lot
But this darn stupid rioting has just got to stop

People are hurt and feeling distraught
But no right to riot has ever been taught

So how to stop this disgrace to our land?
One wonders if the Police have the power to hand

Do they need more, or should they have less?
Oh how, oh how do we clean up this mess?

There are three ways to solve this without feeling glum
The naughty step, the chokey or a severely smacked bum

To name and shame it is just a great bother
An ASBO today is like a medal of honour

So that choice is out, it just isnt enough
What else can we do that is a little more tough?

In the days of old, heads were stuck on a stick
would this stop the rioters and get it over with quick?

Some say we should use some big guns on a trailer
And trim the herd of the current big rioting failure

Another choice would be to send them to jail
But this costs a fortune and the law’s pretty frail

So what to be done? I know what to do!
The Queen sorts it out in a second or two!

She comes on TV and tell them all to go home
The flag flies when she wants, she’s the one on the throne

No more damage to the economy and stop going barmy
Otherwise she will get cross and put them all in the army

The threat of conscription, with blood, guts and gore
Would have those rioters running back through their door

Would this work? It would, and wouldn’t it be grand
To have the Queen telling off the rioters of the land

Be it by her majesty, a weapon, legal, or blend
This Northern Ireland embarrassment has just got to end.

Five to Twelve

You know that feeling
The one that you get
When you have something to do
But choose to forget

Its like that time each day
When you should go to bed
You find anything, something
To occ-u-py your head

The time it ticks on
And you find something new
Your wife is in bed
You start watching film two

Minutes they do pass fast
And you glance up, “oh brother”
Now its five to twelve
And you slip under the cover

An Ode to EasyJet

easyjetI’m sitting waiting on an EasyJet flight,
It’s a horrible shade of orange and it doesn’t look right,
We’re waiting 35 minutes & its getting late,
There’s nothing to do but sit, shiver and wait.

The pilot is unhelpful, trying to sound upbeat,
“We might get an earlier window” – I wish he’d turn up the heat,
The food all has to be paid for – and don’t they tell it straight,
There’s nothing to do but sit, shiver and wait.

What use is a plane with its wheels on the ground?
The incessant humming – what’s causing that sound?
We are all sitting here thinking “this isn’t great”,
There’s nothing to do but sit, shiver and wait.

Some have large newspapers, some play cards on the plane,
The pilot informs us the delays ‘caus of rain,
Just give us something to do, something to create,
There’s nothing to do but sit, shiver and wait.

Some look out of the window at the grass and distant leaves,
Some tell aircraft horror stories that everyone believes,
An Australian helpfully tells me “It’ll be alright mate”, but,
There’s nothing to do but sit, shiver and wait.

Its finally here, time to depart, get into the sky,
After 45 long minutes, a 30-minute trip we will fly,
Its EasyJets lack of customer service that we hate


There’s nothing to do but SIT, SHIVER and WAIT!